Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Broc's Claim to Fame, Part 1

Mick and Broc during one of their famed jam sessions. Broc had just asked Mick, "Should I stay or should I go?"

Poop Sauce*

Me: Do you think it's ok?
Him:  Uh...It looks good enough.

The best thing about this sauce is that 1) it looks like poop** and 2) it tastes "pretty good."

I also made it up. And now, you can too. That's right. For the first time ever, you can have Poop Sauce in your own home. For a limited time, the top secret recipe is being released to the public. "But how," you ask?*** Well, stop asking me questions and get in the kitchen, silly pants!

Poop Sauce
Serves: lots

1 c. vegetable broth
2 c. cooked black beans
1 T. soy sauce
1 T. minced garlic
2 T. light coconut milk
1 dash cumin
3 dashes chile powder
4 sprinkles red chile pepper powder stuff you bought at the health food store in bulk
A good amount of onion
A good amount of olive oil

The how-to part:

Blend up the beans, broth, soy sauce, and coconut milk (I listed the ingredients in the incorrect order, but it doesn't matter because you're not actually going to make this). Saute the onion and garlic in the olive oil (in a pan, obviously. Recipes annoy me). Pour the stuff you blended into the pan of other stuff. Dash and sprinkle in all of that stuff. Stir it until you grow tired.

We ate it over tofu and broc, which is always the best idea ever. Unless you used your large pan to cook your sauce in, leaving only the tiny pan to cook all of your broc and tofu in. Using the tiny pan makes it take a really long time to cook, which causes you to turn the burner up really high. This, in turn, makes the pan smell kind of weird since it is a cheap-o pan and, by the way, where did you even get that pan? Hopefully, it's a roommate leftover and not something you found on the streets of Baltimore.

*Hey, calling it "Poop Sauce" wasn't even my idea! I'm serious!
**Then when you chew up your food and show someone the bits in your mouth, it doesn't look like "seafood."It looks like poop.
***You also asked "why," meaning, "why would I want to make that," and, "why am I reading this?" But those comments didn't make it into this post.

Magically Delicious Eggplant Pie

I realize my title makes it sound like this post is about one of the following three things:
  • Food with drugs in it
  • A children's book
  • A Beatles song 

Well, it's only about food -- But magically delicious food (from here)! I didn't follow the recipe exactly. Instead, I was creative*.

I learned many things while making this dish. The first thing I learned is that using filo dough as a crust is easy**. The second thing I learned is that you don't need to put tin foil over the edges to keep it from burning (just lots and lost of olive oil). And the third thing I learned is that you shouldn't have used the word many when you actually meant a couple.

The End.

*Creative, in this context, is equivalent to the following things:
  1. Leaving out the anise seeds because they're yucky. 
  2. Leaving out the mint because you don't have any...and you suspect it would taste yucky.
  3. Using mostly canned diced tomatoes because they are cheaper and you dislike cutting.
**Easy (eze) adj. 1. Making someone else do most of the work. Aaron! The cooking spray! HURRY! THE BREADCRUMBS! AHHH.  2. Swearing when the dough rips. Kajhfkaeyfjdvksbvgfofels! (the best American swear word)